You’re our straight friend and we know you’re brilliant – that’s why we’re friends with you – and we know you’d enjoy yourself and be totally respectful but, and here’s the thing, everyone else in the bar or club doesn’t. Can we go to a gay club? I’m dying to know what it’s like Any man-crush we may have been harbouring vanished the first time we saw you light your own farts or cry because you lost a life on Super Mario. But the idea we’re panting and pining over you in the hope that one day you’ll clear your throat, tell us you’ve got something you always wanted to say, and then touch our bare knee – because suddenly we’re in sports gear in some locker room we’ve never seen before and oh wow it’s just like all the movies said it would be – is, frankly, way off the mark. We may have idly wondered what you might be like with no clothes on and maybe we’ve had an awkward dream about you. Calling our gayness a “lifestyle choice” might seem innocuous but it’s an old stealth insult used by terrible old homophobes who like to think gay people are taking over the world and are just being gay to annoy everyone. “When did you first realise?” or “What was it like growing up gay?” might be better ways to put it. We do, even years after coming out, and most of us will be pleased a straight guy is interested in hearing it, because historically it’s been the opposite. It can be a long drawn-out process marked with self-doubt, worry and disastrous experimentation.īut don’t get the idea that it’s a touchy subject or we don’t want to talk about it. OK, OK, you’re trying to show an interest, but very few people actually “decide” to be gay. And then I made the decision and my life changed for ever. I scanned hundreds of brochures, tried on a variety of outfits, and listened to mixtapes of Ocean Colour Scene, Kylie, Madonna, PJ Harvey, Guns N Roses and Will Young – just to make sure this was what I wanted. I’d spent quite a long time planning it all, making sure I’d got everything just right. We literally get to hear about your ins and outs all the time your turn now. Get a gay man drunk enough and he’ll tell you what they get up to. Also, it’s not particularly appropriate to ask anyone what they do in the sack, let alone when you’re steamrolling in there with your clumsy comparisons. The thing is, when two gay men are doing it, there is no woman present – that’s generally the whole point of it, to be honest – so this doesn’t really make sense. It’s like the only way they can process what happens is to apply it to what they do.
The detailed machinations seemingly beyond them, one of the first questions they’ll ask – and usually the deepest level they’re prepared to go to – is who plays at being man and who is the woman. Usually this curiosity manifests itself in fear or suspicion that they’ll catch whatever mythical illness it is that makes you want gay sex, but occasionally straight guys will go on a fact-finding mission.
If being a gay guy around straight men has taught me anything, it’s that they’re all secretly fascinated by gay sex.
Which one is the man and which one is the woman? But if you’re going to be getting tanked up with your ‘mo mates, it might be worth remembering there are some subjects that might make them a little… prickly.
#When two guys get drunk gay sex Pc
It’s the 21st century, so there’s a very, very good chance you already have at least one gay friend in your circle – but how do you talk to these most precious and rare of beasts? Will they still understand your banter? Does your chitchat have to be a no-fun zone, packed with PC platitudes and virtue signalling? Well, no, of course not.